What I Wish Every LGBTQIA+ Californian Knew About Estate Planning Before a Crisis
LGBTQIA+ Estate Planning in California Is About More Than Money LGBTQIA+ estate
In California, if you do not create your own estate plan, the State of California creates one for you. And California’s intestacy statutes were not written with LGBTQIA+ families, chosen family, or modern caregiving structures in mind.
I work with LGBTQIA+ individuals, couples, and parents across California to create estate plans that reflect their real lives – not assumptions, not default statutes, and not outdated definitions of family.
This is Estate Planning with Heart®. We try to think of everything – so you don’t have to.
Even in California, there are real risks if documents are not intentional and properly drafted:
Advance Health Care Directives also require special attention.
This ungated downloadable resource provides additional issues for consideration.
Estate planning for LGBTQIA+ clients should address core issues discussed in Estate Planning for LGBTQIA+ Families in California and Stonewall Was a Riot: protection, dignity, identity, and intentional inclusion of chosen family.
Legal documents should reflect and respect a client’s identity. This includes using gender-neutral terminology throughout estate planning documents – including in guardianship nominations for minor children – so that language does not impose unwanted identity assumptions.
Using a former name (“dead name”) that a client or loved one no longer uses can cause emotional harm. Where a legal name change has not occurred, documents include the preferred name with “also known as” to honor identity. Clients are encouraged to write letters to loved ones explaining the use of their chosen name.
Older LGBTQIA+ individuals may face “re-closeting” when relying on assisted living or in-home care – sometimes ending up in environments that are not affirming. Healthcare directives, powers of attorney, and trusts include language directing agents to work only with LGBTQIA+-friendly medical providers to preserve dignity, identity, and care preferences.
Estate plans must account for diverse family structures – married couples, unmarried couples, chosen family, and other configurations – so that loved ones are protected regardless of biological or legal ties.
An estate plan allows clients to deny assets and access to individuals who do not support them, ensuring that legacy benefits those who truly matter.
Respect for gender identity – including affirming gender presentation in incapacity situations – is a central concern. Estate planning documents should include specific instructions about gender presentation requirements so that dignity is preserved in times of illness and incapacity.
Within the LGBTQIA+ community, caregiving is common. Many clients are the person others rely on – the advocate, the organizer, the one who shows up.
But what happens if the person counting on you loses capacity?
Or if they require full-time care and you are the one who must drop everything?
Does their estate plan protect you?
Caregiving without legal authority creates chaos. Caregiving without financial planning creates inequity.
De Fonte Law PC evaluates not only your estate plan, but whether the people who rely on you have done their planning responsibly. Estate planning should never assume invisible labor.
It should recognize it, protect it, and honor it.
When planning is done correctly, the caregiver is empowered – not exposed.
When parents are leaving assets to their children, estate planning is often written as if every child’s life trajectory will look the same. That assumption can create blind spots.
If one of your children is a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, thoughtful planning should consider more than equal percentages. It should consider protection, dignity, and long-term stability.
Your LGBTQIA+ child may have a partner who is not legally married to them, or a close community that functions as family.
If your child dies before they would have inherited from you, a typical trust would leave their share to their children or spouse. What about an unmarried partner?
What about your grandchildren where your child is not considered a legal parent?
A trust that provides discretionary support, asset protection, and flexibility can offer stability without restricting independence.
A five-star review from
My wife and I enjoyed working with Nadya at DeFonte Law to create our trust. The firm’s approach was very easy for someone with limited legal and financial experience. They helped us thoroughly account for what we needed to protect out assets and family members while still keeping the process focused and timely.
Eric S.
Working with Wendy on my estate planning with De Fonte Law was a real gift. She is kind, compassionate and patient. It took extra time for me due to multiple injuries and setbacks and I found her to be very understanding and encouraging. It is a big relief to have this major undertaking close to completion. Thank you Wendy!
Susanne K.
LGBTQIA+ Estate Planning in California Is About More Than Money LGBTQIA+ estate
Every year, when Pride month rolls around, I find myself grateful. My
The LGBT+ community has demonstrated that estate planning is foundational. Giving authority